Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Special Message to Scammers and Tele-Marketers Everywhere


This post is for all the scammers and tele-marketers out there that truly believe a portion of my money belongs to them, and that I have no better things to do with my time other than turn off my saw, trip over the cord, and track sawdust across my carpet as I race for the phone. I offer you this information

  • It is not your business if I voted in the last election and you cannot encourage me to say “Yes” or “No”.
  • If you have to ask if I have a computer, you don’t really know that my ip address is sending out porn.
  • Victoria, I know I didn’t win that cruise, because I never entered the contest, and your twenty-three calls still do not make your story believable.
  • If you don’t know my name, you do not know that my credit card is in trouble.
  • I don’t care how hard you cry, you are still not my grandson, and if you actually are in jail in Germany, tough it out, you aren’t my problem.
  • I don’t care if you do have my name, I’m still not saying yes, even when you get belligerent and swear at me. In fact, after laughing at you for a while, I’m hanging up.
  • If your name actually is Jane Smith why can you barely speak English?
  • I’m not giving you money, I’m not making a pledge, and I don’t want your packet.
  • Chances are, if you get angry and call me a liar, I’m not going to send you money. Oh, wait. I wasn’t going to send you any in the first place.
  • No, I’m not taking a survey.
  • I don’t need your service contract.
  • I did not ask for information about a back brace I saw on TV.
  • I don’t need senior care, and I don’t use catheters.
  • If I were a diabetic, I would not order medical supplies from an obscure company that contacted me by recording.
  • If my caller id lists you as unknown or just a bunch of numbers, expect me to pick up and immediately hang up. If you aren’t willing to tell me who you are, don’t expect me to talk to you.
  • The IRS does not issue warrants before they do audits. No one is coming to arrest me, but I’m not so sure the same can be said about you.
  • And Rachael from card holder services, if you get me out of the bathtub one more time, I’m going to reach through the receiver and tie your tongue in a knot!

 

And just to keep this post in line with this site’s theme:

To the tele-marketer from Florida, who forgot what he was selling and talked to me for ten minutes about his parrot, then hung up without remembering to make the sales pitch:

You might want to look over your shoulder and see if the boss is watching…

Sue

(To my regular readers, I apologize for my unbridled frustration.)

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We Have Baby Squirrels

It has been a very mild winter this year in the Northeast, and I am excited to say that as I write this there are young squirrels playing at my window feeder. There are five in this litter. Usually we only see one or two.

Baby squirrel

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One Large Cat, One Small Basket

cat in a basket 3

The elderly Gent, weighing in at a healthy eleven pounds, still thinks he can fit into tiny spaces.

cat in a basket 1

“Hey! What’s up with this? My basket shrunk!”

cat in a basket 2

“Perhaps I could stretch it a bit.”

cat in a basket 5

“Tell the truth. You put this in the washer. Didn’t you?”

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Ode to Leftover Turkey

thesquirrelseye

It’s Thanksgiving morning, and  Bobby can’t wait

Until that old buzzard’s resigned to his fate.

He’ll have turkey with stuffing and gravy, and pie,

Hot mashed potatoes and turkey piled high!

Yams that were candied with marshmallow goo,

And when that is finished, he’ll have turkey too!

It seems on Thanksgiving that Bobby can’t wait

To get a big piece of that bird on his plate.

But after Thanksgiving with the passing of days,

It seems that our Bobby has changed in his ways.

He’s had turkey daily and now has a hunch

That turkey will show up at school in his lunch.

So, if it is true that we are what we eat,

He’ll soon grow pinfeathers and forked turkey feet.

I know it’s not Helen Steiner Rice, but give me a break, I’ve been sick. Earlier this week as I sat at my computer whining about my runny…

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