This post is for all the scammers and tele-marketers out there that truly believe a portion of my money belongs to them, and that I have no better things to do with my time other than turn off my saw, trip over the cord, and track sawdust across my carpet as I race for the phone. I offer you this information
- It is not your business if I voted in the last election and you cannot encourage me to say “Yes” or “No”.
- If you have to ask if I have a computer, you don’t really know that my ip address is sending out porn.
- Victoria, I know I didn’t win that cruise, because I never entered the contest, and your twenty-three calls still do not make your story believable.
- If you don’t know my name, you do not know that my credit card is in trouble.
- I don’t care how hard you cry, you are still not my grandson, and if you actually are in jail in Germany, tough it out, you aren’t my problem.
- I don’t care if you do have my name, I’m still not saying yes, even when you get belligerent and swear at me. In fact, after laughing at you for a while, I’m hanging up.
- If your name actually is Jane Smith why can you barely speak English?
- I’m not giving you money, I’m not making a pledge, and I don’t want your packet.
- Chances are, if you get angry and call me a liar, I’m not going to send you money. Oh, wait. I wasn’t going to send you any in the first place.
- No, I’m not taking a survey.
- I don’t need your service contract.
- I did not ask for information about a back brace I saw on TV.
- I don’t need senior care, and I don’t use catheters.
- If I were a diabetic, I would not order medical supplies from an obscure company that contacted me by recording.
- If my caller id lists you as unknown or just a bunch of numbers, expect me to pick up and immediately hang up. If you aren’t willing to tell me who you are, don’t expect me to talk to you.
- The IRS does not issue warrants before they do audits. No one is coming to arrest me, but I’m not so sure the same can be said about you.
- And Rachael from card holder services, if you get me out of the bathtub one more time, I’m going to reach through the receiver and tie your tongue in a knot!
And just to keep this post in line with this site’s theme:
To the tele-marketer from Florida, who forgot what he was selling and talked to me for ten minutes about his parrot, then hung up without remembering to make the sales pitch:
You might want to look over your shoulder and see if the boss is watching…
(To my regular readers, I apologize for my unbridled frustration.)